The Story of the Customized Apple Tree Branches...or, How Not Sparing the Rod Can Be Eco-Friendly

by Joel

Once upon a time, whilst I was near 10 or 11, I discovered the secret of how the 'switches' used on our bottoms (and legs when we would twist despite many warnings not to do so) were so smooth yet so similar to the knobby branches sprouting from the apple tree in our front yard.

The mystery was unraveled when I spotted someone carefully peeling the little knobs off the branch with a steak knife so as to minimise the welting-effect. This was kind and thoughtful, I rationalised. I don't recall exact circumstances, just knew that I was not intended to see said activity but I knew immediately where those 'whistling petes' were coming from. Never ate those apples the same way again. And I pounded into that tree lots and lots of those 12-penny (3 inch) nails to hold the various boards/steps as payback for what that tree contributed to me.

Years later I find out that the actual 'trimming' technique was learnt via shared knowledge from one of our favourite neighbours up on Barksdale.

Now I am a parent...and fortunately that little sapling in my front yard is still a good many years away from sparing any branches for the cause.

Next...Chapter 2: The Jose Canseco Model or, How the Threat Hanging Over The Top of the Fridge Can Be More Effective Than the Act Itself